


a guide to the human mind

by orphan_account



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Fluff, M/M, OCD, mentions of dyslexia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-18
Updated: 2015-02-18
Packaged: 2018-03-13 14:02:12
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,761
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3384314
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“No listen,” Niall said because Harry had to know, “I’m really weird and not like cute weird but just weird. I can’t leave my house without checking everything a whole bunch of times, my closet is color coded, I have to do things in either eights or sixteenths or twos, I hate odd numbers, the wrinkles on your shirts make me want to die, I clean obsessively, I almost cried today when it took me fifty five steps to get to the sidewalk, and I’m certifiably crazy. You can’t like me.” </p>
<p>--</p>
<p>Or a super self indulgent fic where Niall has OCD and Harry likes him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	a guide to the human mind

**Author's Note:**

> THIS IS REAAALLLYYY SELF INDULGENT like this is soo pointless and i might make it into a series just because

_“Sometimes, it gets quiet enough that I can hear the cicadas rubbing their thighs_   
_against each other’s. I’ve forgotten almost everything about you already, except that_   
_your skin was soft, like the belly of a peach, and_   
_how you would laugh,_   
_making fun of me for the way I pronounced almonds_   
_like I was falling in love_   
_with language.”- Shinji Moon_

Before he left his house that morning he had made sure to check the locks about fifty times, make sure that they were all locked and that Davinci his Labrador retriever would be safe in his wake and he was fifteen minutes from home five minutes from school when he realized oh his tap might still be on and god that bothered him made him sick to even think about it. His mind kept going through all the possible what-ifs and so of course he had to make a U-turn back home, sneak back inside, and make sure everything was intact. He had left the coffee pot on a bad habit of his and then he had gone back and made sure the locks were intact.

He got to school seven and a half minutes late but he didn’t actually walk into the office to retrieve a late pass until he was officially eight minutes late because even numbers didn’t make him want to rip his hair out. And everything about him was eight; he always always did things eight times. He always took eight pictures for whatever project he was doing for photography he always made sure his coffee got eight pumps of sugar (even if it was bad for him).

Sometimes Niall felt like he was losing his mind like maybe there was actually something wrong with him but he’d quickly bury those thoughts because there was nothing wrong with making sure everything was perfect. It had always been in his nature from his early age, his father a biophysicist and his mother a neurosurgeon had made sure both him and his older brother Greg understood the importance of education of being the best and Niall would be damned if it wasn’t.

He hated wrinkles and untied shoe laces and uneven desks and the way tables wobbled sometimes.

“Niall.” His head snapped up. His AP English 3 teacher Ms. Flannigan raised an eyebrow at him, “you with us?”

“Yeah sorry.” He said looking back down at his notebook and proceeded to write down notes. He always color-coded too knew that he wouldn’t be able to concentrate on what he had written if certain words weren’t highlighted in a certain color, important things were always written in green, the non-important things in a dull black.

That was how his day usually went with him lost in his mind, his teachers trying to reel him back in half the time but he guessed he must’ve been doing something right because he was top in his class with a four point five GPA he was  fine he was okay. The idea of even dipping below that made him sick but he was aiming for that four point eight that perfect four point eight GPA. His older brother had graduated with a four point six, Greg was a certified genius.

Niall was turning the corner to get to his usual photography class lunch meetings when someone ran smack into him, knocking him flat on his ass, his notebooks going flying.

“Ow.” He grumbled and then winced at the sound the books made when they hit the floor. The hallway was mostly barren so he was confused as to why there was actually a person there and so he looked up. It was Harry Styles who was bending down and retrieving his books for him silently no apology or anything but that wasn’t rude not for Harry Styles at least. Niall had never really seen Harry Styles talk to anybody, most times people usually talked about him or around him.

Niall stood up wiped himself off. Got this sick thought in his stomach about germs but then he bit the inside of his cheek, told himself to chill, told himself that there were no deadly viruses crawling under his skin from falling.

“Sorry.” Harry said handing him his books. He took them, rearranged them the way they had to be. His first class was always on top his last class on the bottom. When he looked up Harry had an eyebrow raised and then Niall realized: oh, Harry Styles had spoken actually spoken with like his mouth and everything and it was nice. Deep and baritone and just very very special like nothing Niall had ever heard before.

“It’s okay.” Niall finally said after just standing there and practically glaring at Harry’s face. He had the sudden urge to tuck the stray curl falling on Harry’s face away but he didn’t. He wasn’t crazy. He stopped tapping on his jeans, realized that he was practically a walking livewire. He knew he needed to calm down but it felt impossible like was calm even a word right now?

“I’ll just go.” Harry said dubiously like he didn’t know why they were even still standing there. Niall wanted to reach for him and tell him to not go but that would be weird and Niall was a certified weirdo but it was Harry Styles who was cute and whose voice was like a familiar song on repeat and who was one of the best ranked high school swimmers in the nation right now and just… everything about Harry Styles made Niall melt. Okay so he had a crush whatever.

“Okay.” Niall finally said slowly. What else was he even supposed to say? Harry turned and walked away, Niall counted how many steps it took for him to turn the corner. Seventeen steps. Niall groaned inwardly. Odd numbers made him want to rip his skin off. And he was officially late to photography. He hustled over to the class and pushed the door open.

“Look who decided to show up.” Louis, his co-president, and best friend said crossing his arms over his chest. Louis was a no-bullshit kind of guy but he usually took Niall’s bullshit because well that was what best friends did.

“Sorry, Lou I ran into someone.”

“I didn’t really know you had any friends besides me but okay.” Louis said with a shrug and Niall stuck his tongue out, ignored the good natured ‘oohs’ coming from the other members of the club  consisting of Zayn Malik, Cher Lloyd, Perrie Edwards, and the staff member who ran it: Mr. Cowell. Niall took a seat next to Zayn.

“So what are we talking about?” He asked.

“Sports and who’s doing what. Cher and I already have football and basketball, Zayn has baseball and softball, Perrie has lacrosse and tennis, and you’re assigned to swimming and soccer. The other leftover sports we will rotate okay? Cool?” Louis asked him but Niall already had his notebook down making sure to write everything down. While it would be super cool to be someone who could just listen to something and remember it like it didn’t mean anything Niall was not that type of person, he needed to have everything written down perfectly if he even wanted an iota chance of remembering it.

“Cool.” Niall muttered offhandedly as he wrote, knew that he tended to ignore people sometime from everything that was happening up in his mind.

“Okay good now I have written down the sports schedules,” Louis began handing out pieces of paper to each of them, “and I want everyone to be responsible for remembering when they have to be where. I’m not your keeper so don’t ask me. Come five to ten minutes before the events so that you get everything set up. We usually collab with the newspaper and yearbook club so try and talk to someone from there get a feel of what kind of pictures they might want. Questions?”

Nobody had questions and Louis clapped soundlessly. “Good good I thought so. Meeting adjourned.”

The others got up; Cowell clapped Louis on the back, and then left. It was just Louis and Zayn now and Louis turned and looked at him as he collected everything.

“So who was this person that caused you to be late? You hate being late.”

Niall tucked the tag to Louis’ shirt back in before talking. “It was no one.” He said even though Harry Styles wasn’t no one he was a big someone. High school was hard enough when he was trying his hardest not to lose his mind and he had to maneuver a crush on one of the most elusive guys also. Why couldn’t he like someone like Liam Payne? All around good guy, football player, and president of the GSA also the only person Harry Styles actually walked with and sometimes moved his lips around.

“Why don’t I believe you? I can see gears turning in that pretty little blonde head of yours.” Louis said as they left the room and began making their way towards the cafeteria.

“There are no gears.” Niall lied and Louis snorted,

“As if. Tell me.”

“It’s nothing.”

“Niall.” Louis whined pouting a little. Niall rolled his eyes good-naturedly and then sighed knowing at the end of the day Louis would find out either way so there was really no point of trying to hide it.

“Harry Styles.”

Louis furrowed his eyebrows for a second looked like he was very very confused and then the light bulb went off and he grinned, that large toothy grin of his. “Oh.”

“Shut up.” Niall grumbled stepping into the zoo that the school called a cafeteria. The cafeteria was probably his worst nightmare because everything was always such a mess so out of order. The tables were never ever lined up correctly, the lunch trays were always organized carelessly, and it just made Niall so angry. He had to bite his fingernails to keep from trying to touch and change something, which was why he could never ever have good looking nail beds.

“You like him.” Louis said resolutely sitting down at their usual table. It was usually always just them unless Zayn or Cher or some other friend of theirs decided to join but it was usually always just a Niall and Louis affair.

“He’s… interesting.” Niall tried and Louis guffawed,

“You have a boner for him.”

“Don’t be gross.” Niall said organizing his grapes into two piles of eight. Eight and two, good stable numbers. He inspected his apple made sure it was perfect no visible blemishes or imperfections knew he wouldn’t be able to eat it if there were.

“You like Harry. That’s so cute.”

“It’s not cute it’s sad.”

“Yeah? Why’s that?”

“He doesn’t like me.” Niall said with a shrug. It wasn’t even a self-pitying thing it was just a common sense thing. Why would Harry Styles ever even look at him like that, Harry Styles who was going to be in the Olympics probably, Harry Styles who never really spoke to anyone and who kept his head down and was just such a beautiful perfect enigma it made Niall’s head hurt more than it usually did.

“He doesn’t know you. Isn’t it a good thing that you get to photograph the swim team?” Louis winked and Niall groaned rubbing his temple,

“That actually sounds terrible.” And it did. Because the thing about being a photographer for anything was that you couldn’t just focus on one thing and Niall knew he would be the type to only take pictures of Harry and of course that would anger some people but it wouldn’t even be his fault. Harry Styles was made up of light and all things good and Niall wanted to just stuff him in his back pocket and keep him forever. Or whatever. He wasn’t like a creep or something.

“You’re a cynic.”

“Realistic.” Niall said.

Louis snorted, “If that helps you sleep better.”

“I don’t sleep.” Niall said with a shrug and Louis laughed because he thought Niall was joking of course he did, he was normal. What Niall had meant though was that he rarely slept. Sleeping to him never lasted for more than three hours and he usually woke up panting and then he’d have to get up and check the windows, the locks, the taps, and every single little thing. If his parents ever caught on to his little issue they would have him put on so much medication he’d be practically a vegetable and so he made sure that they didn’t find out, made sure to keep his internal freak outs to a minimum, tried not to cringe away every time his father or mother touched him after work without washing their hands, tried not to stay in the shower for too long. It was a long long process of: _normalnormalnormal._

\--

It was raining that afternoon and Niall was going to have a mental breakdown. He was standing on the sidewalk under the awning staring intently at his lone silver Jetta. He didn’t have an umbrella which _stupidstupidstupid_ how in the world could he have forgotten his umbrella, he grounded his teeth together. If he went through the rain and he got into his car his car would then be filled with lots and lots of rain and it would smell like rain and he would probably get sick and he abso-fucking-lutely hated being sick more than he hated anything else. He hated losing control of the amount of germs allowed to contaminate his body all at once and he hated not being able to do anything about it.

He bounced on his feet, stared at the car, felt himself freaking out. It took him thirty two steps to get from his car to the sidewalk and that would be enough for him to get wet as a whistle and for his car to get even worse. He stuffed his fist into his eyes tried to keep the potential tears at bay, gasped for breath.

“Hey.” Someone said from behind him and he jumped his already hyper active mind even more out of control and he turned. Harry Styles was standing behind him, his duffel sports bag was slung over one shoulder, backpack on the other shoulder. He was dressed in black jeans, a backwards baseball cap, and a wrinkled white t-shirt. Niall wanted to iron it for him.

“Hi.” Niall said his voice sounded like someone had been choking him for about three hours.

“This may sound super weird but I’ve been watching you for about ten minutes and you haven’t moved from this spot once and I uh know that you drive the Jetta and I… was…worried.” Harry said the last three words slowly as if talking to a small wounded animal. Niall let out a breathy laugh, thought: _holy fuck Harry Styles is worried about me._ He ran a hand through his thick bleached blonde hair and god he needed a haircut it was bothering him how long his hair was getting and now he knew that he wouldn’t stop thinking about it until he was sitting in front of a barber.

“I can’t go to my car.” Niall said slowly.

“Yeah?” Harry asked him with that voice of his, the hot chocolate one, the one that made Niall feel safe. “Why?”

“If I uhm if I go out in the rain I’ll be wet and then when I get in my car my car will be wet and the potential of me getting sick will rise like a lot. And I really don’t want to take that chance.” Niall knew he sounded crazy he sounded absolutely out of his mind and he expected Harry to laugh at him, to turn and walk away but he didn’t. He just nodded slowly as if Niall had said something like: my car won’t turn on, as if Niall had explained a normal person’s issue.

“Do you want me to go get your car for you?”

“No!” Niall said quickly and then shut up. He needed to calm down. “I uh… you’d be wet too. Everything would be wet.”

“What are you going to do?” Harry asked him, biting his lip ripping the skin off his bottom one. It started bleeding.

“Stay here until it stops.” The rain was coming down in sheets. He hated the autumn months absolutely despised them for this reason alone.

“Okay.” Harry said and then said nothing else. Just stood there right next to him and watched the rain. Niall turned to him bewildered. What was going on? Harry Styles had been at their school since sophomore year, rarely spoke, just swam, and Niall had wanted him ever since but now there he was beautiful and steady standing with Niall as if it wasn’t even a question as if Niall meant something to him.

“You don’t have to stay.” Niall finally said even if he wanted it bad.

“I want to.”

“Okay.” Niall said didn’t know what else to say. He was hyperaware of everything now, of how loud the rain sounded thundering down on the awning, how Harry smelled slightly of chlorine and aftershave, how he stood so so still that Niall had to turn every few seconds to make sure he was still there and breathing. It was nice standing out and watching the rain with someone you wanted bad, someone you wanted like water. Niall didn’t even have to talk probably because he wouldn’t know what to say and that made him feel good.

The rain started calming down about an hour later. Niall turned to Harry, “sorry about this.”

“Why are you apologizing? I said it was okay didn’t I?” Harry asked not unkind just curious.

“I know it’s just… you don’t even know me and you stood here with me and I get that I’m kind of crazy but this was really really nice of you and I don’t want to be like-,”

“Hey, stop talking for a second.” Harry said and Niall stopped. “There’s nothing wrong with being crazy and why do I need to know you to be nice to you?” He was so so perfect, Niall thought to himself. Crazy boy crazy thoughts.

“I am crazy. It’s okay.”

“You’re not.” Harry looked down at his watch. “You should get home… it’s getting late.”

“Where’s your car?” Niall asked him didn’t want to leave not yet anyway.

“I run home. Coach makes us.” Harry said with a small shrug. He looked so unbothered by everything so carefree so pretty and Niall wondered how he got like that. Niall knew on the outside he looked super put together but that was a result of careful grooming of having everything perfect down to the tee but even filled with wrinkles and lots and lots of things that made Niall compulsive he looked amazing. It was so fucking weird and Niall was so fucking fucked.

And Niall so wanted to offer Harry a ride he really wanted to but he didn’t know how to say it and he’d never ever driven in a car with a boy he wanted to kiss and bad. He was always so careful about these things about how he invited into his life.

“Okay. Have fun.” Niall said and Harry smiled at him actually smiled genuinely with glimmering eyes and a dimple that could fit a swimming pool and Niall was losing his fucking mind.

“I will. See ya.” Harry turned and just like that took off, legs pumping behind him looking like a dream. Niall sighed. Walked over to his car, made sure all the doors were locked, screamed.

_\--_

_“You are terrifying and strange and beautiful, someone not everyone knows how to love.”- Warsan Shire_

His mom stormed into his room like a hurricane in that ever familiar way of hers. When he was younger and his parents would get into tumultuous fights his father would call her ‘Hurricane Maura’ because she was destructive. Niall could see it sometimes in his mother that little unhinged part of her the part of her that echoed himself. She’d lent him her good parts her blue eyes and her wide wide smile and she’d also lent him her unwanted fragments, her crazy her lonely her ‘everything has to be perfect or it’s all my fault’ mindset.

“Your father and I are going to dinner tonight. Come I feel like I never see you anymore.” _Never see you anymore._

It was a true statement. His dad had been working with some other scientist in Guatemala for two weeks his mother had been buried in work and he’d been buried in washing his hands. His room- his mom often commented- looked like a hotel room. Very impersonal very clean. He didn’t like putting things on walls it made him angry because if you tacked something on and then took it off there would be a mark and he hated taping things to his wall and he wanted all things on his wall to be the same length and he hated putting things on his dresser because that was too much clutter so everything was very neatly organized in his closet and even though nobody could really see it he made sure to dust them every two days made sure that nothing was sneaking in.

“Niall.” His mom snapped.

“Sorry sorry.” He apologized. “Got stuck in my head again.”

She smiled at him fond, “its okay. Get dressed.”

He nodded thought about the fact that showers were a very very meticulous ordeal and god he had showered like thirty minutes ago but he knew germs only needed .2 seconds until they attacked. He was stuck in the shower for an hour before his mom banged on the door and yelled at him to get out.

\--

His father could not handle his liquor. That was the first thing Niall observed. His mother was severely unhappy. That was the second. And Harry Styles was his waiter. That was the third. It was like being doused in cold water sitting there with his perfect parents trying not to notice the crack on the tile and then there was Harry and he smiled at Niall with that perfect perfect dimple and Niall had a sudden thought of: _oh my gosh what is going on._ And then Harry turned and it was over. He and Harry Styles were perpetually stuck meeting each other in weird ways.

His father was telling a joke something about what some scientist had said. His mother was laughing but it was fake, she looked worried and she kept tapping her fingers on the table. Niall smoothed down the wrinkle on the tablecloth. It came back. He smoothed it back. It came back. He ground his teeth together and did it again, kept it smooth with his fingers.

Harry came back with their appetizers.

Niall studied him. He was gorgeous.

His mom talked a lot and said nothing. His father swallowed her whole. Niall felt like crying. He wondered if this was what perfection looked like. He smoothed down the table cloth. Put his sixteen piece wings into two piles of eight. Made sure they didn’t touch each other.

The dinner went by painstakingly slow. Niall felt like things were crumbling around and he had no control of it and he hated that, not having control.

\--

He washed his hands eighty times in a row when he got home, thought about Harry and how beautiful he looked, thought about his parents and the huge fucking crack in between them. He wondered if that was why his father took the long trips away from home. To go drink his life away. It scared him the breaking down of perfection.

\--

The week went by in a blur. He thought he would’ve seen Harry more after that but he seemed to disappear. The first swim meet was two Fridays away and Niall was preparing himself to see Harry to see everything. His week was spent stuck in a room developing film for the soccer games he went to, talking about photography, making sure everything was perfect. He was twenty minutes late to school one day but he couldn’t get out of his car until he was twenty eight minutes late and the lady at the front office shot him a look.

\--

Swim meets were held at the bigger high school, Riverdale, so on Saturday morning the day of the swim meet he drove himself there ten minutes before as instructed. He didn’t want to admit it but he was nervous, nervous to see Harry swim, nervous to see Harry. Sometimes when Niall looked at Harry he was just seeing a boy inside of a boy inside of a boy like he had to peel back tons and tons of layers to even get half into the center of who Harry even was.

The Riverdale pool was large and the Riverdale swimmers were already there when Niall got there and him and Jade Thirwall, the yearbook committee’s girl for the swim meets told him she wanted a lot of shots of Harry especially because he was well the best swimmer there and that Niall could do. He just had to remember how to use his hands.

When the George Washington High School swimmers walked in Niall had to hold his breath. Harry was in front of the line, head held high wearing his GWHS jacket proudly hair pulled back in a small bun on the nape of his head. Niall watched as he said a couple words to the other swim team members and nodded to their opponents.

Niall checked his camera for the thirteenth time in that two minute interval, made sure everything was perfect.

“He’s so hot.” Jade said next to him and he jumped looked at her.

“Who?” Even though he had a pretty good idea.

“Harry. I wanna ask him to the Sadie Hawkins dance.” She smiled, sweet, in that way pretty confident girls like her usually did when they knew they were going to get what they wanted. Niall swallowed felt his throat closed up looked back over at Harry who was stripping off his layers to reveal beautiful hairless skin. Beautiful boy skin the color of snow.

“Sounds nice.” Niall said even if it didn’t sound nice at all even if it made Niall’s stomach ache. Even when Niall wanted to throw up. He had to concentrate not on the terrible timpani drum going off on his heart but the pictures of capturing things not freaking out. He couldn’t freak out. But the thing is the more he thought about not freaking out the more he wanted to freak out.

“Yeah. I think he likes me.” She laughed soft and out of it like it didn’t mean a thing.

Niall nodded slowly. _Shutupshutupshutup_ he thought to himself. The meet officially begun, the swimmers shook hands.

The divers went first; Niall took eight of everything made sure to capture the good parts and the not so good parts. And he wasn’t shaking not at all the Nikon held in his hand until it was freestyle and Harry went up to the platform, blue cap on looking down at water, looking beautiful. He had a silver dog tag and a silver airplane necklace and he looked just so incredibly fit and so incredibly beautiful and he made Niall want to touch. Niall had never thought concentration could be so sexy.

They blew the whistle. And Harry was off like a shot Niall too capturing picture after picture hyperaware of his eight pictures only limit. The only way Niall could describe Harry’s swimming was: art, the way he disappeared only to reappear out of the sea of blue minutes afterwards as if he wasn’t swimming in the water the water was swimming in him and that was just fucking amazing.

Beautiful boy inside a beautiful boy inside of a beautiful boy.

\--

“Hey.” Niall jumped turned. It was Harry hair wet and Liam hanging back twirling his keys around his fingers. The meet had just finished Niall had gotten the pictures he wanted, didn’t want to hang back and watch Jade flirt her way into his heart. He was ready to go home, ready to go take a shower, and he was pretty sure he had forgotten to shut off the light in the guest room. He knew it was irrational he’d checked like a million times before he’d left the house but it was seeping through his mind, the thought of that light just being on making him twitch endlessly. He was forty minutes from home.

“Hi.” He said.

“Didn’t know you came to these things.” Harry said staring down at him raising an eyebrow.

“I don’t.” Niall said because he didn’t knew that if he did there was no possible way he would ever get over this crush. Today had proved that theory true. “I do photography.” Niall waved his camera in front of him so Harry could see.

“Oh okay. Did you like it?” I like you.

“Mhm.” Niall hummed nodding his head. “It was fine.”

“Where are you going?” Harry asked him. Niall wondered why Harry Styles suddenly wanted to talk to him so much not that he was complaining but it was weird everything about their interactions were weird.

“Home.” Niall said pointing to his car.

“Okay.” Harry said but didn’t move. He kept looking, eyebrows furrowed like there was something he had to say. Niall wanted to throw up because he was such a star, so damn celestial making Niall want him so damn much. “I guess I’ll see you in school?” He said it like a question and Niall nodded slowly as if he and Harry even spoke during school.

“Bye, Harry.” Niall said.

“Bye, Niall.” Niall had never wanted to hear anyone say his name over and over again.

\--

“So he found you in the parking lot and you guys talked?” Louis was sitting on his bed, feet kicked up on Niall’s chair, and shoes thrown haphazardly by the wall. Niall was biting his nails, flittering around the room trying not to have a mental breakdown. He wanted to move Louis’ shoes but he didn’t want to think he was rude and when he was nervous and obsessing like this he couldn’t stand still there was no chance in hell.

“Yeah. He asked if I liked the swim meet.”

“What’d you say?”

“I said I did. And then he said he’d see me in school.”

“He likes you.” Louis concluded crossing his arms over his chest. Niall stared at his feet, the feet that never had socks on his chair.

“Move your feet please.” Niall snapped didn’t know how else to put it. Louis raised an eyebrow at him but then when he saw the look on Niall’s face he rolled his eyes then set his foot down. Niall breathed a sigh of relief. Went over to Louis’ shoes and lined them up perfectly. They were so dirty Niall wanted to clean them. He moved them from the wall, grabbed a wipes from his bedside table and proceeded to clean his hands.

“Dude, you’re whacked out.” Louis laughed and Niall shot him a look.

“Am not.”

“You are. You’re like so fucking hyper.”

“I like clean things.”

Louis rolled his eyes, “whatever. But back to Harry, he digs you.”

“He doesn’t dig me.”

“He went to look for you himself without you speaking to him. He wants to bone you and you’d totally let him bone you.” Niall would totally let Harry Styles bone him.

“Don’t be gross. He doesn’t like me and he doesn’t want to bone me. End of discussion.”

“No not end of discussion. You have to speak to him.”

“We do speak.”

“How many times have you guys spoken?”

Niall really didn’t want to tell Louis about the whole rain thing and the restaurant so he chalked it up to just two. He didn’t need Louis talking more about this and making him worry and worry and worry because that was all he did now. And now that Harry had talked to him he couldn’t help analyzing things from every angle like why would Harry speak to him and why did these things happen and so on and so forth and so much fucking things.

“Sadie Hawkins dance is coming up.” Louis said and Niall snorted,

“I’m not a girl.”

“I know, dumbass. My point is: if some girl asks him and he says yes the potential of him falling in love with her has risen like sixty percent. You need to talk to him, claim him, and let all the lionesses know that you have claimed him.” Louis grinned.

“Did you just compare girls to lioness?”

“Of course.”

“I’m not talking to him.”

“Fine.” Louis said. “Suit yourself.”

\--

He was spraying his locker with Lysol disinfectant spray when Harry Styles came up to him that Monday morning. It was the first time he’d actually been early to school in a long time and he was freaking out because he knew he hadn’t checked anything enough and that his poor puppy was probably burning to death right now because he’d kept the stove on or someone was breaking in because he hadn’t checked the locks and the thought of the water running oh god. He stopped spraying and pinched himself, he was shaking like crazy. He needed to go home and he needed to go home now.

“You okay?” Harry asked him. He jumped.

“You really need to stop sneaking up on me.” He snapped didn’t even have time to relish in the fact that Harry was speaking to him. Kept thinking about the lock and the tap and every single fucking thing going wrong. And today someone had been parked in his usual spot so he had taken fifty five steps to get to the sidewalk. Not only was fifty five not thirty two it was an odd number and everything was just so _wrongwrongwrong_ and his mind just would not shut off. He felt sick to his stomach; the thought of going to class was killing him.

“You’re spraying your locker with disinfectant.”

“It’s dirty.” Niall said didn’t want to explain himself. He needed Harry to leave and now, not because Niall didn’t want to see Harry but because he didn’t want Harry seeing him.

“No its not. You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”

“My tap is on.” He blurted and Harry blinked. “My tap is on and my locks aren’t well locked and my windows are open and my stove is on and my cabinets are open and I think I spilled cereal this morning and someone stole my parking spot and I can’t stay here.” Niall said, sprayed his locker eight more times for good luck and then slammed it close. Turned to Harry.

“Wherever you’re going I’m coming.”

Niall raised an eyebrow, “what? Why?”

“You seem pretty out of it. I’ll drive.”

“I won’t hurt myself.”

“C’mon let’s go. Just give me the keys.”

“Why are you coming with me?” Niall asked because he was very very confused.

“I care about you.”

Niall snorted, “Yeah right. You don’t even know me.”

“I want to.”

Niall stared at him then blinked. “C’mon.” He said and Harry came.

\--

His tap wasn’t on, his stove was off, his dog wasn’t on fire, his doors were locked, his windows were locked, his cabinets weren’t open, and he didn’t spill cereal. But Harry Styles was in his room playing with his dog. Harry Styles fit into his room as if it was his own as if he lived there and Niall was in love even when he was nervous and even as he flittered around the room kept checking to make sure everything was okay. Harry Styles made him high and fuzzy.

“Cute dog.” Harry said with a smile.

Cute face. Niall thought.

“Thanks.” He said. “I got him when I was five.” It was unnecessary information but he said it anyway. Harry looked at him, stopped petting his dog, and then straightened out so he was to his full height.

“Niall,” he said soft, “sit down.”

Niall laughed, “What?”

“Ever since we got in here you’ve been pacing and biting your nails and looking everywhere and you haven’t sat down once.”

“I don’t need to sit down.” Niall said because he didn’t because Harry may have been beautiful and Niall may have wanted to taste his lips but he didn’t know anything. He didn’t know about Niall’s fears and everything in his head and he couldn’t just say things like that to Niall like it was just that easy.

“C’mon please.”

“Why are you here?” Niall blurted. Harry blinked. Niall repeated himself.

“I didn’t want you by yourself.”

“You don’t know me. We talked two weeks ago for the first time and now you’re trampling into my life.” Niall ran a hand through his hair. “Why are you here?”

Harry didn’t say anything for a while just kept looking at him and then, “I see you you know? I’ve been seeing you since I moved here, I see the kind of person you are and you’re amazing really and I’ve always wanted to just spend a lot of time with you. I wanted to talk to you but you were very intimidating what with your grades and the way you always seemed to be out in your own mind and I told myself that I’d finally talk to you. And last week when we ran into each other I did and I didn’t want to stop.”

If Niall wasn’t breathing before he sure wasn’t breathing now. The air had been sucked out of the room leaving nothing. Harry Styles had wanted to talk to him? Harry Styles who made him so weak it was ridiculous who was standing in his bedroom with him because he almost had a mental break.

“I don’t get it.” Niall blurted because he didn’t.

“I like you.” Harry said with a shrug. Niall fish mouthed.

“What?”

“I like you… a lot. I like you a lot and I don’t care that you think you’re crazy and I don’t care if you are. I just really really like you.”

“You do?” Niall asked after he found his voice. Nothing was real. Harry wasn’t real. It just seemed too good to be true like he was living in some kind of warped daydream where boys he liked liked him and dreams came true and everything happened for good reason. But that wasn’t his life and how could a fairytale perfect boy like Harry Styles like someone as wacked as him.

“Yes, Niall I do.”

“I’m weird.” Niall said and Harry laughed,

“I know.”

“No listen,” Niall said because Harry had to know, “I’m really weird and not like cute weird but just weird. I can’t leave my house without checking everything a whole bunch of times, my closet is color coded, I have to do things in either eights or sixteenths or twos, I hate odd numbers, the wrinkles on your shirts make me want to die, I clean obsessively, I almost cried today when it took me fifty five steps to get to the sidewalk, and I’m certifiably crazy. You can’t like me.”

Harry stared at him and smiled soft, stepped closer to him had Niall smelling his aftershave and his cologne and his everything. “I’m dyslexic, I could barely read when I was in third grade, I used to get bullied because words and numbers never made sense to me, and I started swimming because that was the only thing I was good at. I understand how it feels like to need some kind of control in your life.”

Niall stared at him then blinked, “you’re serious?”

“As a heart attack.”

“Oh.” Niall said biting his lip. Harry Styles liked him! Harry Styles didn’t mind that he was crazy.

“Yeah.” Harry said. “Can I kiss you?”

“No.” Niall said and Harry blinked at his abrupt answer. “I just… not yet. Wait a sec.” He turned and ducked into his private bathroom. Turned on the tap, washed his hands sixteen times, and then he remerged. Harry hadn’t moved.

“Sorry.”

“Don’t apologize.” Harry said reaching over and resting his large hands on Niall’s waist, “this okay?”

“Perfect. It’s perfect.” Niall said and then they kissed and Niall didn’t think about the germs in Harry’s mouth or anything.

**Author's Note:**

> holla at me in the comments section, you beautiful beautiful people :)


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